Tales of Poop and Retraction of Rant

I begin at the end and will go back to the beginning at some point, but the end of the post yet to be published is that I am on anti-biotics. Did you get that?  Also I'm sorry I'm not sorry for the details of this post.  It's about poop what did you expect???

12 hours after starting the antibiotic my beans begin pooping.  And I know you know I really mean diarrhea-ing all kinds of nasty.  Not only am I sick enough to be on an anti-biotic (I'm not one of those drug crazy people) but now I am dealing with two leaky butts.  You think that statement is bad? come smell my house.... yeah it's like that.  At first I'm inconvenienced .  Then, the twins get maaaaad about this.  Oh they mad! So I'm changing 20 poop diapers a day (plus my toddler poops 1-5 times a day no joke one to FIVE times) and now they are yelling about it during my sleep hour.  The one that I'm alotted.  Nurse tells us to go get some probiotic Bio-gaia which is difficult to find and would include carting around my never-ending-shitters.  NOPE.  What else ya got nurse lady?  Switch to formula but continue pumping?  Alright.  Ok.  We'll try that one.....

NOPE.  Now we go from poopy trails to "ummmm honeyyyy, have you changed a poopy diaper today???"  Nobody is poopin' now.  Which is excellent for my laundry basket and my wallet (20 poopy diapers a day usually equates to about $4 in diapers a day and 3ish outfits per baby because after the third, you stay naked.  It's a rule) not so much for 11 week old tummies.  And guess what??  They still maaaad. 

Here's where my stories collide to retract my previous stranger rant: I need to trek to Target to buy some Bio whuta with the three who are now mostly gassy and pissed.  The set up goes as follows:  Ethan in carseat in baby spot; Gavin in giant red attachment forward facing toddler seat thing; Ellie in carseat on floor of giant red monstrosity.  It's actually quite pleasant now that I've figured out the setup because I can also actually USE the cart portion.

In the checkout phase of this trip, I am behind a lady with a BEAUTIFUL little boy who has approximately 7 items.  She offers to let me go first (so sweet but I had all of the items which is much more than 7).  After she realizes I have twins plus terrorist (now kicking Ellie under his feet) she begins telling me how great of a job I'm doing and how great I look.  BEST. FRIEND. Then....get this.....she offers to buy me a coffee.  Is this lady for real?!?  Everyone else in the store is giving me that "HOLY HELL LADY HAVE YOU HEARD OF BIRTH CONTROL" look and this woman and her perfect little angel son have said nice things AND offered help.  I think I love her.  I had to decline because terrorist is still kicking Ellie and I've now made several threats to him and was expecting CPS to show at any moment. 

Back to the poop situation.  So we decide to first cut the formula with the tainted breastmilk to see if that produces some stooling.  Ethan gets one Hulk poop (imagine those Hulk fists punching you right in the mouth kind of stink and it's green) but it's not much and these kiddos have to be backed up from two days of formu-blah. Last night we switch back to tainted breastmilk and Bio-Blahlahaha and WHAMMY! Oh my goodness I'd throw a baby this stink is so bad!  I don't know what in the world it's consistency or color are....not of this world I'll tell you that much.  But I believe they have been cleansed.  I'm not sure for better or for worse. 

One last repeal of the stranger rant-unrelated to all things poop-happened today.  CMOR on Hull St.  I take all the babies and meet up with my girlfriend the uterus whisperer.  As I'm leaving, three strangers all at once hit me with "What beautiful babies!" "You're doing a wonderful job!"  and here's my standing ovation "SHE'S DRESSED CUTE WITH MAKEUP ON AND LOOKS GREAT!!!" a-thank-you

And now I hear some sounds that may need addressing....or redressing....

"OH MY GOSH I don't know how you do it!!"

Neither dooooo IIIIIIIIII......

So there are like 417 million things that I am sick of hearing people say.  Who doesn't LOVE a good backhanded compliment?! 

Let's begin with the obvious "well that was rude" statement:  "Three kids under two, that must be awful".  And when they say awful I autocorrect it in my head to "awfully wonderful" just so I don't have to sit through trial for aggravated assault.  My children are my blessings.  They are not awful.  Challenging?  Absolutely.  But awful?  So is your outfit.

Then there's the "I wouldn't have had three so close together".  Well here's the thing about my reproductive system:  I keep sending it texts to let it know that I'd like to ovulate one egg at a time and really if I could just do that once a year on the years that I'd like to have a baby, I think we could stay friends.  But there it goes every month, doing whatever it wants to do!  I'm not sure I had MUCH control over the whole twins thing.  Sort of like I have no control over the nonsense coming out of your mouth.

"You poor thing" "did you have your tubes tied" "so I guess you're done then" "how do you do it???"
I am rich in blessings, how are three healthy children a bad thing? Nope my TUBES are not TIED and really that's just kind of a gross thing to say... talking about my insides in public places and what not...buy me dinner first.  A woman once had 19 children if I recall correctly. Why assume I don't want my own TLC show?  And how does anyone do anything really?  Even Mac and Cheese comes with instructions....these babies forgot the manual. 

A challenge is presented to you.  You either step up or back down.  Some days SUCK.  I don't get a shower.  I can't form correct sentences.  And everyone is screaming.  Other days, I put together a whole outfit with accessories.  Write eloquent blog posts.  And there is peace....oh wait....nope....he's up. 

I'm just not sure why I rarely hear the following:  "I'm proud of you"  "You're doing a great job"  "3 beautiful babies??  congratulations!"  and also if my hair looks great one day, I expect a standing ovation. 

Now that's off my chest.... I have babies to attend to :)