I ate lunch in my driveway in the car....

I know. I know. Where the heck have I been?!? I was writing such awesome witty posts and then I left you with nothing... At least in my head that's what you're all saying. But in real life I got a hand saw, cut down a tree with it and had twins less than two days later. So if they tell you to drink caster oil I say NAY! Cut down a dang tree with a hand saw. It's much more satisfying. Trust me.

I have so many notes on things to share with you all but today has been the day from hell. Ethan (my son, twin B) blew out his diaper first thing. Meanwhile, Eliana (Ell Eee Ahhh nuhhh please do not say Elaina, I still have that saw....) decides to vomit up breakfast. All of it. And in the midst of this I glance over to find my sweet angelic toddler (who is known to many as the terrorist) drinking Ethan's bottle of breastmilk. That's just the first ten minutes after my husband left.

Trip to Walmart. With all three. In a cyclone. Need I say more? P.S. We had to go because terrorist ran out of his diapers.

I ate lunch in my driveway in the car just to have five minutes of contained peace.

Gavin (terrorist toddler) refuses to eat most of the day and naps 45 minutes. Which is conveniently the time it takes for me to pump and bottle feed A&B. wait whuuuut?! Yes. Due to time in the NICU, we have a couple of SUPER lazy latchers. Meaning they will eat one ounce and go to sleep on the boob and want to do that every hour on the hour. AIN'T HAPP NIN. Also Ethan has some super sensitivity to even the tiniest amount of formula as in vomit by the gallon until its bile and then dry heaves sensitivity so although they're not stimulating me to keep my production up, I cannot supplement at all so I am pumping ALL THE TIME and then to feed I usually need one hand free to taze...ummm I mean monitor my toddler with so I feed them separately.....

Then, I clean a bathroom and mop the kitchen because these things have not been done in probably three months (ick gross bleh...say it...I know) and as soon as I finish toddler and Eliana decide to go for gold in a scream-a-thon. This lasts 2 1/2 hours no matter what I do, it does not stop.

Now you're thinking this is it for sure. I assure you it is not but from here it was just your basic hairy bedtime nonsense with a dash of HOLY CRAP YOU THREW OUT PERFECTLY GOOD BREASTMILK?!? I think my boobs need a vacation more than I do.

I will go back to the oh em geee I am so in love with my three gorgeous children next time but at the current moment I am signing off to wash off the spit up and pour myself a stiff drink.

Pregnant With Twins??

So I guess I'll travel back in time a little bit and tell you a bit about being pregnant with two.  The saying is that every pregnancy is different.  Well being pregnant with two babies is VERY different from being pregnant with one.

It all began pretty much the same.  I peed on a stick (actually I'll be honest I always pee in a cup and dip the stick in..... hats off to you ladies who have better aim) and there was the plus sign.  And here's a secret: save your pennies and do not buy gold infused million dollar pregnancy tests.  The cheapo off brand value pack from Target turns just as positive or just as negative.  I know.  I took approximately eleven tests for my first.... I'm thorough, don't judge me.

A week after said plus sign, I had a belly.  Well I hear you "show" earlier your second time around so I chalk it up to that and move on. 

A week later I am a raging hormonal beast.  I'm sick.  I'm sad.  There is no food on this Earth that I can tolerate and yet I'm starving.  I go to bed every night with a migraine and nausea. 

Now maybe this is you pregnant with one.  Me pregnant with one was covering two-a-day football practices in 105 degree Virginian hell summer and still going to the gym a few times a week so this new chick with all the issues.... what is her deal?!?!   

Back to me pregnant with two.  By week 7 I'm pulling out my maternity shirts.  Still having not gained a single ounce, my belly is starting to raise the eyebrows of people who know me and I haven't even been to a doctor yet.  Here is when my friend the uterus whisperer chimes in "dude I think you're having twins".  Oh shut up, twins don't run in my family, it's not twins.  HA! 

Week 8:  Enter Ultrasound tech:  "Oh look at that.....there's twoooooo".  This girl, in the presence of my husband and then 12 month old, drops a big old fat EFFFF bomb.  Apologizes.  Drops another.  Apologizes.  Begins to cry:  "I'm going to have 3 kids under 2" begins to sob.  "Are they both healthy?"  US tech "Yes"  The sobbing crazy girl smiles yet continues to sob "OK great thanks.....I'm really sorry (sob, snort, sob)" Text to Uterus Whisperer:  "eff you uterus whisperer". 

By the next week I think my husband spoke again.  Meanwhile I'm still sick and having migraines and generally loathing my body's inability to get it together.  I have also at this point googled approximately one thousand articles on the genetic link for twins.  HAHA self:  turns out everyone has an equal chance for identical twins.  There are genetic hyper-ovulators however.  These people release more than one egg per cycle (yielding fraternal twins).  It's only inherited from your own mother so this raises the question:  What kind of super over achieving man has to fertilize them both?!  I married him. 

At the the end of the first trimester:  Pounds gained: -2.  Maternity clothes: yes.  Facebook official: absolutely not, I still can't wrap my head around 3 kids under 2.... plus I now want to punch everyone who says "do twins run in your family".  Stay tuned for the third trimester (yes I said third, there is no second with twins, there is first, third and fifth)

What Am I Doing?

And so it begins....

I have never blogged nor do I really follow blogs.  So you ask, what am I doing??

NO IDEA!

I'm just a mom, I have a brilliant, adorable and defiant spirited 18 month old little boy.  Thinking oh how fun it would be to have children close in age, the ol' hubby got me knocked up..... with twins (due any day now).  I also dabble in Athletic Training (used to be my full time gig back in the day) and am now a gourmet chef and crafter extraordinaire (thank you Pinterest).

Probably as any woman finding out she's having multiples especially after having a singleton pregnancy the first go round, I sought knowledge (in the form of HOLY CRAP GOOGLE EVERYTHING).  Turns out I didn't find much about multiples that seemed helpful or more detailed than the "....so you're going to have a baby...."  A BABY?!?!  I'm having TWO BABIES?!?!  AND I ALREADY HAVE A BABY!!  WHAT DO I DO WITH TWO MORE?!?! 

So I decided I'm going to write about it for you all.  Some of you will read it for a laugh (probably at me not with me....I get it).  Some will read it for updates on my family.  Some of you may stumble upon my rantings and it will save your lives sanity.  I mostly hope it helps someone somewhere out there who finds out they're going to be blessed with multiples [PANIC] because really what are you supposed to do????  We shall see....